My Poor Old Senile Mother

My mom helps me at my quilt shop more than I could ever ask for. I often tell her that I'd love to double her salary, but afterall, $0 doubled is still $0. I also try to use her as an excuse for everything that does and could go wrong. My "poor old senile mother" is the answer to all questions. For example:

Question: My kit was a yard short and now I'm unable to finish my quilt. Answer: I'm so sorry, my poor old senile mother put that kit together.

Question: I called the shop and you said you would hold that fabric for me. Now you're sold out. Answer: I'm so sorry. My poor old senile mother must have forgotten to hold that for you.

Question: Has that book I asked you to order for me come in? Answer: I'm sorry, my poor old senile mother must have forgotten to order that for you.

Question: I haven't received my order yet. Answer: I'm sorry, my poor old senile mother shipped that to the wrong address.

I guess you know that my mother is neither old nor senile. But still, makes a convenient excuse, don't you think?